I went through something and I want to share about how i feel. Do u mind if you hold space for me? I need to feel it through, it will go when it goes.
I feel sad. (wiping my tears) I was going through my Google photos, sliding down the memories lane. Going through day by day in rewind mode, listening to a song from a Korean drama repeatedly, sadness stop by for a visit.
I see photos of myself, the old self with my loved ones, the objects, the nature I love. It is a sense of grief. I miss the old me, the familiar feelings of me interacting with my family and loved ones, the conversations. But, I know I don’t want it back.
It is a process of grieving. Where I understand, grief is not a linear process but it would come by certain triggers. What I can do is to allow myself to feel it thoroughly, let it go through its complete cycle. Instead of turning away, I tune inwards.
Then, I was listening to Matt Kahn’s The Beauty of Remembrance (video below), I learn about forgiveness in a new light. As I am aware of my feelings, I wish to shed light on healing my father’s wound on me, which consciously or unconsciously created my programming on relationships. Coincidently, Matt talked about forgiveness which allows me to forgive while I grief.
Here are his words.
I forgive them for forgetting / forsaking their own divinity and they projected that forgetfulness (pain) to me. They didn’t see my divine light. I forgive you for being so out of touch of your divine protection, that you projected a pain onto a light being, who would be closer to forgiving them to usher them into the transformation healing journey that helps to guarantee that no one else will be hurt by them, including themselves.
I forgive you for forsaking the light in my presence.
Thank you for this opportunity to remember my perfection through my willingness to forgive you for forsaking your light.
Thank you for allowing me to feel the emotions long enough. To embrace the discomfort. Unworthiness is when light forgets how to remember itself. I accept that I feel this way even I don’t feel like it. I am sitting with you.
I love myself through it, if it takes longer, i love myself more. Here’s how I feel and I am staying where my feelings are. Love them until they are ready to let go. It matters how align you are at that moment.
You may watch his Video here:
Everything is here to help you. Whatever arises, love that. I am absolutely grateful for Matt’s Love Revolution. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Much Love & blessings,
14th December 2019