Let’s Talk About (Self) Love



What is your favourite romance movie?


“You can’t change anyone, you can only love them.” Me Before You.


When I was asked about my favourite love movie last Saturday as an icebreaker in Sharmini’s event – Let’s Talk About Love, “Me Before You” immediately popped up. It is a beautiful narrative of a paralysed man (Will) with a cheerful lady (Clark) became his caregiver where in the end the man choose to end his life, a story written by Jojo Moyes.


Sharmini asked us to share our favourite line or scene of from our choice. I shared the scene where the two leads were dancing in the wheelchair despite of how others look at him, that’s what I could think of then, she said the favourite line or scene somehow is related to your own priorities or story.


After watching it again today, I know my favourite scene is when Will (the man) gave Clark (the lady) a letter after he two weeks of his assisted suicide in Switzerland, the message its about asking her to live a bold life, to widen her horizon, pursue her dreams with her own fashion sense. One reason he didn’t want to stay is because he did not want her to put off her dream to take care of him, well mainly because being paralysed is not the life he wanted.


Supporting Your Partner’s Dream

My focus is on Will to Clark who sees her potential, loves her, and encourage her in pursuing her own dream. This is something I have always projected to my partner and hoping that my partner could perhaps do the same.


My lesson? I have learned the hard way that I can never change a person to go according to my way, I can only love them the way they are. 

Before we go into the dilly dodily love story, one thing I know for sure is that love starts from myself, from within. I used to expect someone would take this role of the main cast to push me to my dreams or allow me to do so. So much on getting permission or waiting, sounds familiar? These are what we have been taught or at least ‘brainwashed’ with the movies to wait for the white prince. Things changes lately that we have more empowered movies like Moana and Wonder Woman.

Let’s talk about Self Love



Often when I ask deep question like “how do you show love to yourself?”


I would receive answers like pedicure, massage, a good bath, good sleep, good food. Oh well, these are activities which will ease us but it will not fill us within.

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. It is related to self acceptance of who we are, all our beauty and flaws, regardless of how others view us. It is something we all have inside. Our real value, true self you can say. Stripping of your identity, your possessions, who are you?

What Sharmini said is right that love relationship is always the one that triggers us, of our void, our childhood trauma, a place needed to heal.


How to free ourselves from the condition programming of fear instead of love?


I have been reprogramming myself from fear to love few weeks back because I have allowed fear to stop me from moving forward, from expressing, from dancing freely in life.  So many cycles has been repeated and I decided to stop repeating the unhealthy cycle.



Releasing the Guilt Trip of Being Self Full

Self love is not self fish, but self full. This contradicts with many people that when we take care of ourselves, we are considered self fish because we were brought up with teachings to treat and serve others first and treat ourselves last, especially being a female and the eldest children. It’s a good morale but dear, if you do not take care of our needs first, keep putting others before ‘me’, who will take care of you.

My first step after acknowledgment of the issue is to create a borderline to protect my own needs, ensure it is the first and trust me, it is the best thing to do for yourself. Because if everyone of you take good care of ourselves, there’s no one to take care of anymore in this world, why, because we take responsibility to take care of ourselves. In my world I’m the most important person and in your world , you’re the most important person.


It is still a journey for me, as I am taking care of my needs, I have been hearing me being self fish but hey, you re damn right, I am happy to hear that because I finally did it, now a question to you, how do you love yourself? I realised this is a common theme for a lot of us, and we have been suppressing our thoughts and views which accumulate in our body mind and it’s stuck and trapped somewhere which we felt we have no choice and kept looking outside for pleasure to ease the pain or fill the hole.

Darling, I invite you to start taking care of yourself by sharing it out.



Last question, what action would you take and what would it be like when you decided to love yourself more?


Promise me. Take some time to think about it and write it down. Believe it will come true.



Vic Qi



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