I am afraid of rejection and feeling unworthy, I put others’ opinion ahead of mine, therefore I am repeating the cycle of fear that controls my behaviour.
A Great Reminder –
It all started here.
I believed fully on my parents remarks and comments on every thoughts and actions, I thought that’s ‘who I am’. With most of the culture, we were taught with scolding of good intention to improve and behave better. I remembered I was told with an intention that I have to be better, be stronger. When I went to school, I depend on others’ view on me to value my own worth. The people pleasing part of me begun here.
Coincidently, I am reading a good book: “Pathway to Possibilities” by Rosamund Stone Zander. It is about understanding ‘the story’ we have been telling ourselves, how it has impact our behaviour and creating new pathways for possibilities.
The first few chapters amazed me with the author explanation on how our childhood memories and trauma creates our survival pattern that would block us from growing and acting as an adult mature mind. Some of the time, I would find myself easily triggered by an action or words, especially from my family and lover. I would faced my familiar childhood pain. This book has taught me on how to treat these as memories, it was one’s opinion on how things should be but not who I truly am. No matter what my mum, dad, relatives, teacher, schoolmates said or think of me as, they speak from their opinions. Again, it has nothing to do with the real me. The soul living a human experience. Believe or not, we have been conditioned since we were born, it is very wise to learn not to take things personally or else, we would be creating fuss out of nothing.
It was all memories. I learned.
It continued to my teenage.
What Have Fear Cost Me
I thought I was unworthy of attention and love, I kept myself under the spotlight, kept quiet, help as much as I can. I did not reach out for help, I dare not to express. Thus, teenage was my lowest self-esteem point of life. Not a good point to list all the opportunities I missed here but the point is I did not know there is another way so I continued my self-sabotage way of living.
Still, I must say, I am glad to have such memories, to understand how would others feel, to be compassionate towards others’ feelings. I forgive myself for not knowing this then, I forgive others who are not aware of these, I have moved on.
When is the best time?
Now Is The Best Time
It is when I am slowly awaken to these new possibilities, I deem now it is a great time to share my learnings and create new possibilities with people. Last Friday, I asked a few of my close friends to discuss on our fear and create a fearless list-to-do for 3 months ahead – November, December, and January.
The born of the Fearless Project is to create new possibilities together as a support group, because I found out I worked best with a group of people rather than myself. We were glad to have a new Taiwan friend (from the next table) to join us, it shows regardless of where we are from, the need in fulfilling our best self is always within us.
We listed down many kinds of fear, from small to big fear, ranging from cockroaches to cold water to fear of mistakes to fear of rejection and fear of losing. Every month, we will self create our personal challenge and group challenge then to be reviewed and reflected monthly. Thank you for showing up and creating possibilities together dear friends.
For those who are ready for a transformation.
An Invitation To You
I will share on ideas, resources to help us understand why and how fear has stopped us, a tool to create your personal challenge to embrace our fear and also a place where we could create a group task together.Welcome to join our group here: Fearless Project FB Group.
On creating possibilities together, Viibrant has lined up upcoming interesting activities! A hint: We are going to create a space for fun and engaging activities without distractions. =)
A digital, body, mind detox.
Please note that our childhood developed survival pattern is reviving when we were triggered, the most important point I would love to emphasise is creating this field of awareness for when it revisit us, we wouldn’t be under control by the thoughts but to aware that it is only a memory, a story, not the real you. That’s the shift I wanted to point out. Highly recommend to take some time of to read more about this.
Thank you for reading. May you have a great kickstart of the week!